Occupy North Pole!

Santa Claus is the 1%. 
Santa: a corpulent image of corporate excess
Illus.: Thomas Nast, 1881
He only works a single day each year.

Yet he merrily exploits an unpaid labour force of bedraggled elves, who toil away frantically inside a mass-production factory, euphemistically known as ‘Santa’s workshop’ -- or is that Santa’s sweatshop?

(Do the elves have a labour contract? Or are they essentially slaves? An impartial third-party audit of the elves’ working conditions has never been released to the public.)

Just look at him: plump, jolly Santa is the very image of excess. In The Night Before Christmas, he’s described as being dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot’. And who is the gluttonous recipient of the milk and cookies, year after year?

Santa’s List: Orwellian tool for
oppressive social conditioning?
Santa -- one man, alone! -- wields the monopoly power to decide whether you’ve been naughty or nice. By what means did he acquire his capricious and judgemental authority? We never held any democratic elections for this.

Doesn’t that strike you as an unseemly and inequitable concentration of influence for a single person?  

Where is the transparency and accountability in his decision-making process? If your name shows up in the wrong spot on that arbitrary, notorious List of his, you wind up with a lump of coal instead of a present! Sure, he claims to check it twice -- that’s supposed to be quality control? What are the safeguards to prevent systemic fraud or other abuses?

And, most importantly with respect to the Occupy framework, why does Santa consistently give rich kids more expensive gifts than to poor kids? Social justice is being failed.

“He knows when you’ve been good or bad” -- since when did we grant Santa unfettered access into our homes, to conduct Panopticon surveillance for every moment of our personal lives? It’s a gross invasion of our privacy rights -- the first step towards a totalitarian dictatorship.

Notice how, during the busiest travelling time of the year, Santa flies with impunity across national borders -- without any checkpoints, customs inspections, or security monitoring whatsoever. No lines or waiting for the privileged old elf! Of course, he also lives in magnificent isolation at the North Pole -- free from taxation, and sheltered from the prying eyes of the masses.

Santa: shilling for conspicuous consumption
Despite all this, the federal government insists on providing Santa with an ongoing, heavy subsidy -- mail addressed to Santa is typically answered on his behalf by legions of ‘volunteer’ postal workers.

He doesn’t need to lift a finger, and the feds are there to bail him out from all those tricky questions kids can ask.

In return, few figures serve commercial interests as eagerly as Santa Claus. For example, Haddon Sundblom famously portrayed Santa as a dedicated Coca-Cola quaffer for several decades (A persistent meme continues to circulate that Santa’s red and white uniform is a deliberate invocation of the Coca-Cola corporate colours. Coincidence? Perhaps...).

To conclude, we need to re-examine our blind acceptance of the man in red.


Under the deceptive guise of patronizing beneficence and ritualized good-cheer, Mr. Kringle has insinuated himself into a position of deeply secular symbolism, antithetical to the roots of Christmas.

His materialist emphasis on gifts serves only to whitewash greed as a value, and to drive shopping behaviour during the holiday season. When children make their annual pilgrimage of obeisance -- while he sits regally on his throne at the mall -- what’s the key question he asks of them? “What do you want for Christmas?”

That is how the cultural indoctrination of lifelong consumerism begins.

I invite one and all to join with me in protest -- and together let’s #OccupyNorthPole!

Santarchy 2005, Toronto: The movement for change begins
(yours truly w/ grey beard)
Take Action Now Against Santa’s Moral Fascism
Photo: New York Daily News
We are the 99% -- not Santa
Photo: Steve Rhodes


Attempts to contact Santa for comment have not yet met with a response.

--
Support resources for this post provided by: United Snowmen Against Climate Change.

The Wreck of Rock Oasis -- In Pictures

Disclaimer: Unsupervised, unauthorized exploration of structures undergoing demolition is not recommended. Such activity may be dangerous or illegal. You are responsible for your own actions and safety.

Earlier this year, a condo developer demolished the gritty industrial structure that housed my old climbing gym, The Rock Oasis. It only took about a week to raze 120 years of rich history into the ground.

Sic transit gloria mundi!

Standing tall for one last night...

The destruction of Oasis was personally heartbreaking. I loved climbing there -- in spite of its flaws. Although these photos were taken months ago, it’s taken me a long time to publish this post. The hesitation stems from emotional inertia.

Intellectually, we all knew what was going to happen. But actually seeing the physical Victorian-era bricks and beams strewn and twisted about -- that has been tough to stomach.

These assembled photos (from several sources) are part of my process of moving forward. They’re ugly, and awful, and make me feel sick, but they are also an acknowledgement of reality.

They are a record of what used to be at the corner of Front and Bathurst, and of the violence required to tear it down. If you loved the gym, you’ll hate these pictures. Sorry.

(And yes, I’m still angry that the developer chose to dismantle the place so early, when they didn’t have to. It will be at least another 6 months, easily, before anything even happens with the site.)

I’ve arranged the photos into three different parts, and added credit/commentary where desired. Certain shots are thematically repetitive -- that’s just the way it goes.

Click below to view each set (opens in a new window).

Part 1: Demolition (click photo to open) - set of 20
Part 2: Last Night On Earth (26 photos)
Part 3: Aftermath (30 photos)

Stay tuned -- I have one final post left in this series. It will be a different photo collection -- a nostalgic look at all the nooks and crannies of our old place. I’ll get to it eventually, I’d say in a month or two... Update: See The Bathurst Rock Oasis - A Look Back

Comments are always welcome!

Note: Rock Oasis still operates; they moved to a transitional gym in the city’s east end.

Context and intention
This post is a pictorial coda to my essay: Farewell to Rock Oasis.

Covered in the Globe and Mail, mentioned online by Gripped, and overall positively received, the essay deals with the forgotten history of the building (also known as the Doty Engine Works), and the surrounding neighbourhood at Front and Bathurst -- as well as the history of the climbing gym itself.

Check it out if you haven’t read it! 

IRS Tax Form FAIL

While struggling through some tax forms for Uncle Sam, I noticed this tucked away in the fine-print:

The IRS isn’t shy about taking up your time...

It’s like something from a Soviet-era bureaucracy. What’s striking is that the times listed are estimated, expected averages! And that’s for a single form. Heaven forfend if your ‘individual circumstance’ is complicated.*

And how exactly, did they arrive at these precise averages? Did they time 1,000 average filers to see how long it would take? (e.g. where did the 2 extra minutes come from to ‘prepare and send the form’? Is that reserved for licking the envelope?)

According to Forbes magazine, 6.1 billion hours are spent annually filling out tax forms. That’s an incredible statistic:
“... the equivalent of more than 3 million workers toiling away full time, all year. By way of comparison, the Federal government employs the equivalent of 2.1 million full-time civilian workers and Wal-Mart, the nation’s largest private employer, has 1.4 million workers in the U.S.”   
I’m no raving income tax abolitionist (ahem), but surely there must be room for simplification. The productivity drain here is monumental and absurd. No wonder an entire industry thrives around tax-preparation -- it’s too complex for normal citizens to deal with.

One last irony: the above photo is from the section of the form subtitled, Paperwork Reduction Act Notice.

Have you got a tax-form horror story? (American, Canadian, or other nationality) Share it in the comments!

* in my case it turned out fairly straightforward -- unless perhaps I did not truly understand the form...

Best Recruiting Ad Ever!

“WANTED: Stout, able-bodied men who can run a mile without stopping with a sackful of Spanish dollars on their backs.”

This was the notice that Lord Thomas Cochrane posted in the fall of 1806, to recruit sailors for the 38-gun, 1,046 ton frigate Imperieuse under his command.

Lord Cochrane, nicknamed ‘The Sea Wolf’ by his French counterparts, was one of England’s most renowned captains during the early 1800s. His daring -- and some would say reckless -- exploits at sea catapulted him to notoriety, and are said to have inspired the nautical fiction of Marryat, Forester, and O’Brian.

Cochrane went on to become a staunch supporter of reform as a Radical in the House of Parliament, stirring up great controversy with every cause he backed. He also later commanded ships in the navies of Chile, Brazil, and Greece during their respective wars of independence.

Capture of the El-Gamo, by Clarkson Stansfield: Depicting one of Cochrane’s most famous accomplishments, the capture of the Spanish Xebeque frigate El-Gamo in 1801 off the coast of Barcelona, by the much smaller brig HMS Speedy

The fascinating story of Cochrane’s career is told in the slim volume: Lord Cochrane, Seaman, Radical, Liberator by Christopher Lloyd. Revered by his men, celebrated in song by the public, and cursed for his impolitic intransigence by the old guard, Cochrane was a splendid and turbulent figure of the Romantic Age.

Portrait of Thomas Cochrane, 
by Peter Stroehling
If you enjoy tales of adventure, Cochrane’s larger-than-life escapades will engage and intrigue you.

As for the recruiting notice, posted at the dockyards -- it demonstrates the flair and attitude Cochrane brought to his command.

Who could resist this concise invocation of danger, deeds, and riches?

Cochrane filled every slot he had, and the Imperieuse sailed off to glory...

Speed! Thrills! Women! FUBU Skate Race Recap

The 1st Annual FUBU Race Weekend was, by all accounts, a spectacular success. Women of all skill levels were encouraged to come out and skateboard, in a fun and welcoming series of races and events, presented by Toronto Girls Longboarding.

The inimitable Ms. Zhou from Skate Invaders
powering her way to victory

More Women Skaters Please!
Skateboarding is a heavily male dominated sport -- there are many more men who skate than women. This can lead to a self-perpetuating, testosterone-laced sub-culture which isn’t very open to distaff participants. It can be intimidating, awkward, or simply not receptive to women. (Not that it’s necessarily intentional.)

FUBU Race Weekend Poster
A few years back, several female skaters from OLF started getting together for informal ‘girls-only’ sessions and lessons, which they labelled ‘For Us, By Us’ -- FUBU -- to distinguish from the regular sessions going on.

This continued sporadically until this year, when it was decided to hold a larger, more organized gathering to which newer women skaters would be invited, with the intent of fostering a supportive, friendly atmosphere.

A considerable amount of planning, logistics, and stoke later, it all came together in the form of FUBU Race Weekend...

Two Frenetic Days of XX Skateboarding Fun
On Saturday, there was a casual ‘twilight cruise’ along the waterfront, followed by a unique film screening and then a raucous after-party at Club 54 (a notorious Hogtown skater-haven). Alas, I missed out on these festivities due to the Tour de Bloc bouldering comp, an altogether different form of stoke...

Meanwhile, Sunday witnessed a slalom race which was extremely popular and hard fought. Finally, the weekend was capped off with intense toonie-races from the top of the Red Canoe at Canoe Landing Park, as well as a secret BBQ. We unfortunately didn’t get to the butt-boarding contest...

A fantastic turnout at the 1st Annual FUBU Race Weekend - Nov 6, 2011

My good friend Aubrey Iwaniw is one of the motive forces behind FUBU, so I volunteered to help out on race day with some of the start and finish line judging.

I always relish the opportunity to hang around and do very little while ostensibly ‘helping out’, so this was an easy task for me to perform. I also helped my pal Bill guard the swag table from sticky-fingered interlopers -- this mostly consisted of Bill drinking 2L of chocolate milk and talking about hydraulic systems...

[In case you were wondering, guys were also welcome to attend, but primarily in a supportive role as spectators and volunteers, rather than competitors in the races.]

Race Results
The day was crisp and clear, the temperature cool and refreshing. Perfect conditions for racing against friends and foes! There were a lot of big smiles and laughter -- and a couple of hard bails. Joyce: hope your ankle heals fast!

Chantell weaving through the cones
Photo: Jonathan Nuss

The official results (via Aubrey) are listed below. Congratulations to everyone who participated!

2011 FUBU Stoke Award Winner Diane S.
Observe the lovingly hand-carved and personally autographed trophy,
crafted with exotic African hardwoods by hydraulic artist Bill Flynn

Amateur Slalom (Top 3)
1. Irene
2. Binny
3. Lee-Anne

Pro Slalom (Top 3)
1. Lisa
2. Andi
3. Chantell

Time Trials (Top 6)
1. 1:19.3 Chantell
2. 1:19.7 Andi
3. 1:24.6 Lisa
4. 1:25.9 Diane
5. 1:26.9 Aubrey
6. 1:27.3 Mioche

See the full race results here for everyone

Toonie Race (Top 8 )
1. Cindy
2. Chantell
3. Andi
4. Ponyta
5. Knives
6. Lisa
7. Diane
8. Micki

FUBU Photos & Media & Official FUBU Video
More photographs I took from the Sunday race day: here.

However, mine was a drastically limited perspective of the event -- I also want to share some other people’s rich experiences (may require being logged into Facebook, and/or being in the respective person’s networks to view...).

Check out:
  • Jonathan Nuss’s set -- Nuss always takes wicked shots (I’ve used a couple for this post); he’s an up and coming photographer
  • Cindy Z’s album -- lots of great pics (by Brad Statham) from the slalom racing, which I missed out on as I was guarding the swag table with Bill. 
  • Michelle S’s album
  • Rob C’s set on Flickr
  • RPG’s set on Flickr
And finally, without further ado, here’s the glorious, joyful, Official FUBU Race Weekend Video, edited by the aforementioned Zhou. It beautifully captures the vibe:


I’ll update this post with other photo and video links, as others upload them...

Bonus photo: From the archives -- OG OLF FUBU!

Back in the day... Photo by ??
(We miss you CT)

Congratulations to the Organizers!  
Maybe I haven’t been going to enough skate throw-downs lately to judge this properly, but the organization for this session was phenomenal. Aubs, Christina Takaoka, Cindy Zhou: you should be extremely proud of your success holding this event. You’ve created a huge amount of stoke, in a way that was super fun and supportive -- and I look forward to seeing more women skating as a result of your efforts.

Organized organizers organizing the FUBU organization...
Photo via Jonathan Nuss

Props also go to the fellows helping with the logistics and other details: Ryan, Jonathan, Bill, Chris, Rob (C&S), Adam, Mike, Matt... Chivalry isn’t dead after all.

Thank you, sponsors
Thank you to FUBU’s generous sponsors! I was impressed with the support given in terms of prizes and general swag. It’s really important that vendors and distributors do everything they can to encourage women to participate. A little swag goes a long way...

Tons of awesome swag and prizes from our generous sponsors!

Sponsors of the event included:
Loaded Boards
• Orangatang Wheels
• Sector 9
• Rayne Longboards
• Switchback Longboards
• Longboard Living
• S&J Sales
• Concrete Wave Magazine
• Skate Invaders
• UofT Longboarding

Congratulations once again to the organizers, the volunteers, and most especially the participants. I’m sure next year will be even bigger and better! Female skaters are a key part of our skate community -- I’m thrilled that inclusive events like FUBU are taking place.


Secret bonus: more archival FUBU photos... 
A classic FUBU poster
Aubrey sent me some classic photos from prior years of FUBU gatherings and requested that I post a few.

This weekend may have been the ‘1st Annual’ race, but as I mentioned above, the gals have been getting together for several years...

Herewith a brief selection which I am delighted to share with you...

FUBU ladies slashing up the Skywalk
Photo: Janelle Leclair
Janelle was a significant documenter of early OLF sessions. Her colourful and expressive photos contributed to my starting to hang out with the OLF crew... Everyone always looked so infectiously enthusiastic.
Photo: Mickey Vonesh? 
Bex bringin’ the steeze. Photo: MV
Pulchritude at the Poop Chute...
Photo: ??
Female Fiesta! Another session poster

Shut Up And Climb - Tour de Bloc Season 9 begins!

Shut Up and Climb - TdB Comp Poster
The 9th season of Tour de Bloc, Canada’s National Bouldering Series, kicked off with a packed competition on Saturday at Joe Rockhead’s, Toronto’s first indoor climbing gym.

[I’ve noticed that a lot of my climbing friends seem to wind up there eventually, when they decide to become ‘serious’ about the sport.]

A blast as usual 
The problems for this comp were very good quality. I thought there was a decent mix, which is really important -- there was some stuff I could do, other stuff I couldn’t, and a bunch of stuff to mess around on. So kudos to the route setters -- I had fun.

[My friend Jonathan complained that there were too many ‘flat-wall’ problems; he and his friends normally boulder in the cave area at Rockhead’s, which is all overhanging... Amusingly I had the opposite issue -- I barely touched anything in the caves! My conclusion is that we must both be right, and consequently there was an acceptable ratio of both flat and overhanging.]

I entered into Open for the heck of it, though I’m definitely not as skilled. I had a solid session -- just barely above the bottom third demarcation line (trust me, it was a decent result for me!).

My score was helped out by the fact that there were several problems which were on delicate crimpers. I wasn’t forced to exhaust myself completely as a result. I didn’t get a chance to take photos of the qualifiers, alas -- we were ushered out of the main climbing area so they could set up for the finals. There were 50 problems. I scored 2055 (hurrah, I beat my secret nemesis Pia G!), finishing problems 41, 38, 36, 34, 31 and 30. Of those I only flashed 31; everything else took 3 or more attempts.

After dinner I came back for the finals, and watched Sebastien Lazure edge out Eric Sethna in the Men’s. Meanwhile Kerry Briggs squeaked by Cloe Legault for the Women’s category.

It was fascinating and exhilarating to witness the different approaches to the problems. A highlight was seeing Kacy Wilson start Finals problem number 2 in a completely different way than all the other finalists, yet she still managed to send it!

Too many people!
There were a lot of competitors in the qualifiers. A shade too many, I think -- at least for the size of this particular venue. There were over 100 people in Open. If they’d had ten or fifteen fewer competitors, it would have more comfortable -- having to line up to try problems is not that great an experience.

That’s just my selfish opinion, and it’s purely about the logistics of it, not the problem-setting or the venue. Obviously Open means Open, so I’m not sure what you can do about it, or even whether you want to do anything about it. All I’m saying is I felt crowded.

For recreational climbers like me, the whole point of attending is for the access to a whole bunch of interesting problems; when the atmosphere is crazy and claustrophobic it kind of detracts from it all.

Certainly, the number of competitors speaks to the popularity of the series and bouldering in general. And there was a ton of stoke in the air! So I guess I should just deal with it.

Maybe they should allow people in Open to climb in the morning session -- with the caveat that if they do, they can’t compete in the Finals (because that would give them an advantage).

Goals for the Season
My goal is always to enjoy myself and to climb as hard as I can.

What I enjoy the most is discovering and attacking problems that are at or just slightly above the limit of what I can do -- the thrill you get from finishing something where everything is desperate is incredible. The route-setters are always diligent about setting a wide range of problems with different styles and difficulties, and it’s this range that lets you push and find your limit.

I want to actually train this season, and try to get stronger. I know where a lot of my weaknesses are -- slopers, overhangs, and dynamic moves -- so I’m going to try to work on those areas during my regular sessions. Florent Balsez recently wrote an interesting article, How to Qualify for the Tour de Bloc Finals, and while I think that’s not realistic for me, the advice he gives is nevertheless cogent and worth paying greater attention to...

I want to attend more comps this season. They’re a huge amount of fun to go to and you meet so many friendly people. Along the way I’m going to blog about the sessions and share the experience with you.

Ontario Climbing Federation -- join today!
After the qualifiers were over, I had a chance to speak very briefly to Sally Vince about the Ontario Climbing Federation. It’s a new-ish body that is currently a not-for-profit, with the intent of becoming an officially recognized Provincial Sports Organization (PSO).

The broader objective is to seek access to government funding for climbing as a sport here in Canada and Ontario -- right now our climbing athletes are basically unsupported (in the sense that other officially recognized sports are). It makes for a huge handicap when our teams go to international events and competitions. Other areas the OCF intends to influence include organization, sanctioning, funding, training, and promotion.

A major step in the process of becoming a recognized PSO is garnering a certain number of members -- a supporter membership costs just $5. I encourage you to sign up to support our young athletes!

More information about memberships can be found on the OCF site.

Thanks! 
To close this entry I’d like to thank the Tour de Bloc organizers and all the many sponsors for putting the event together. You folks did a great job once again.

Past Tour de Bloc coverage
Competing in the Tour de Bloc -- in which I share my experiences of competing in the Tour de Bloc Bouldering Series in Canada -- from the perspective of an intermediate climber.

See also: Miguel Jette’s awesome photos from the finals.